Photoshop of Horrors lingerie ad

Watch out, potential purchasers of lingerie! Your corsets, bras and panties* could come at a price: a face and figure proportional to that of humans rather than Bratz dolls. A set of lingerie on retailer AliExpress has been using a model whom I suspect is not the genuine cartoon/human hybrid we geeks have been waiting for, so something in me wants to guess she cannot possibly be proportioned this way.

Photoshop of Horrors lingerie ad

Anybody find it strange that they photoshopped the model so her waist is approximately the same width as her head? Speaking of her head, though, it’s her eyes that get to me.

Perhaps this model has only recently been going through an utterly life-changing experience featuring an Instagram-filtered road trip, several Broken Social Scene songs, and a series of realizations regarding the world not being what it seems. Deep, girl. Open them eyez to the truth.

Or the advertisers simply felt the woman’s eyes were too small–which makes very little sense, as your eyes are typically just the size they need to be in order to allow that whole “vision” function–so they enlarged them in a terrifying way:

Photoshop of Horrors lingerie ad

In an ironic (or strikingly self-aware) twist, the marketing team added these words to the image:

Don’t stop to look into my eyes:

Just go on without me. My eyes will

always fall on you.

Well, that would make sense, given they’re photoshopped enough to give Sauron a run for his money?

I found the images while poking around the Internet last night, searching for holiday lingerie, as one does. While I look at pictures of clothes quite a bit during my regular day, shopping for myself always feels strangely different. In this case, it was a stark reminder that women in lingerie ads are just unbelievably photoshopped nearly every time. Not only that, but they’re almost always hanging out in awkwardly contorted positions I do not recall ever finding comfortable while wearing–well, anything. Lacy or otherwise.

In any case, I think I’ll opt out of buying lingerie accompanied by bad poetry and terrible marketing that makes women into literal caricatures of themselves. Then again, I suppose that eliminates a lot of stores.

*Does everybody still hate this word?