Hey there, you with the weak-ass ass! Don’t you wish your hindquarters were as powerful as those of Pippa Middleton, fun loving socialite and sister to Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge? In just a few short weeks, her royal-by-association pooper has launched countless Pilates regimens and one bona fide act of vandalism. As if that weren’t enough, now The Daily Star reports that women all over the U.K. are having their behinds surgically altered to look more like hers.
Via the Star:
“Since last month’s Royal Wedding, cosmetic surgeons have reported a 60% increase in bookings for bottom-lifting treatments. And one leading cosmetic clinic has even nicknamed the surgery The Pip Package Perfect Posterior, which can cost up £8,000, depending on treatments.
Lesley Khan of London’s Harley Street Skin Clinic said: ‘We are now seeing scores of female clients seeking the perfect bottom. A few years back everyone one wanted the Jennifer Lopez look but now everyone asks for a bottom like Pippa’s – curvy but not too peachy.'”
A few things:
1.) What the hell is “peachy” supposed to mean in this context? A preliminary search of various slang dictionaries reveals only what I know already: “peachy” generally means “good.” But “curvy but not too good” wouldn’t make any sense here, so I’m going to assume she means peach-like, as in resembling the actual fruit. Asses shaped like peaches are wonderful asses, so what gives?
2.) The article talks about a shift in ass trends from Jennifer Lopez to Pippa, but I’m not sure it’s even physically possible for someone with a body type similar to Pippa’s to get the J-Lo look, or vice versa. There are limits to what science can do!
3.) English standards for what constitutes “curvy” sure are different than they are here, where “curvy” is generally a euphemism for “significantly fatter than a model.” Then again, I’ve heard it applied to similarly absurd examples here.
4.) When I GIS’ed “Pippa Middleton’s butt,” the first things that popped up were farting fetish websites. Did you know that there are farting fetish websites? Now you do.
5.) I put “butt” and “rash” very close together on purpose in the headline of this post, because I am gross.