You know what you need this winter? A little razzle dazzle. A little old Hollywood glamor. A little cocktail ring over your glove. Because it says “hi, it’s 1936, and I don’t touch poor people with my bare hands. EVER.” The poors have got all kinds of diseases! That is incredibly sensible of you! Do you look like you eat from the soup line? No. You Don’t.

Okay, I see how, maybe, if you’re not starring in Miss Petigrew Lies for A Day or My Man Godfrey this look could be a tiny bit costumey. I’m not saying “do it with opera gloves.” I’m not saying you own opera gloves. You probably don’t, unless you once starred in a high school production of Gypsy and ran off with the opera gloves which you wore in the last act as you stroked your awkward body, which was entirely covered by a leotard, because it was high school, as if you were at the Very-Special Mormon Burlesque Show. “One day, these opera gloves will be real sexy,” you thought to yourself, as you smuggled them out of the cast party, “one day, I will have a lover. A lover with an opera glove fetish.” You won’t. Thank God.

So: cocktail rings over opera gloves – no. Also, memories.

Cocktail rings over regular gloves, maybe. Not mittens, though. I think it would be weird over mittens. I don’t think a cocktail ring would fit over mittens.

Basically, I’m assuming that you have a nice pair of leather gloves. I’m also assuming that you have many cocktail rings. And I’m assuming that you once stared in musical extravaganzas. I think I am making all manner of pleasurable assumptions about you. So I think you should vote “yes” in this poll.

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