By now, most of us are familiar with the conventional wisdom that a woman’s thirties are more enjoyable than her twenties. You’re still fairly fresh-faced in appearance, but you’re also lived enough of your life to be able to tell guys how to make you cum. Maybe you’ve even moved out of your parents’ house! “You couldn’t pay me enough to be 24 again,” said Hannah Horvath‘s gynecologist on Girls, and everyone older than 24 was like “word.”
Well, now there is even more proof that that being 34 is better than being 24, because we needed it. According to a “study” performed by the scientifically rigorous British skincare/data-gathering company Sanctuary Spa, women are “happiest with their naked bodies at the age of 34,” which agrees with most people’s common sense but flies in the face of the stupid but pervasive notion that women are sexiest when they become legally able to consent to intercourse, and it’s all downhill from there.
“Crucially, at 34 maturity levels are high,” says “celebrity skin guru” Nichola Joss in explanation. “Many 34 year olds I know have experienced either a loving relationship or close personal friendship and these bring confidence, both inside and out.” She does not explain the difference between “inner” and “outer” confidence, but I’m going to assume that by “outer” she means the confidence that happens in the tiny brains dotted all over the outside of your skin.
Jezebel points out that this confidence may come from having a baby and seeing how much worse you can look than your baseline appearance, but I have a different theory whereby straight women in their early 30s become more confident because they’ve been taking better care of themselves than men for over a decade, and it’s finally starts to show. Call it “the moisturizer gap.” Or maybe conversely, “the beer guzzling gap.” Or how about the “treating your body like a garbage can in general gap”?
Personally, I can vouch that while I’m about twenty pounds heavier than I was ten years ago at eighteen, I feel much sexier, because I have calmed the fuck down about things. I’ve also stopped believing my physical husk to be the only likable thing about me. It’s rad.
Of course, the study is not all good news, in that theoretically confidence should increase even more when you mature even more, but women over 34 see it drop again. Also, a full 65% of women polled are reluctant to wear bikinis to the beach because they’re afraid photos will end up on social media. Sounds like those women need to make some better friends.
(Via The Telegraph)