As much as the pressure to be thinner, taller, curvier, smaller breasted, larger breasted, younger, sexual, virginal and whatever else tends to fall more upon women than men, there are certain social burdens that men are forced to deal with regarding their bodies and sex appeal, as well. In particular, the myth that men with larger penises are better in bed has long-persisted and has been a source of pain to many men. Now, however, there’s a “small penis contest” to celebrate the less-lengthy. Naturally, it’s in Brooklyn.
According to The Gothamist, Kings County Bar in East Williamsburg (which, as a new New Yorker, I hear is actually just Bushwick) will be holding the contest in July. Apparently, it came (hyuck) after bar manager Aimee Arciuolo had a fun evening with a fellah who was admittedly on the smaller size.
“The discussion came about after I had an exceptionally fun and amazing romp with a man who was less than endowed—it was actually shockingly tiny, like the size of an acorn,” she told us.
“He came right out and said, ‘Yes, I know, I’ve got a little pecker. But don’t you worry, we are going to have fun.’ And it was great! That guy seriously smashed it UP in the bedroom,” she said. Arciuolo discovered afterwards that many of her girlfriends had had similar experiences; they agreed that “guys like that deserve a prize
The men will be judged in both “eveningwear and swimwear,” as each guy will receive “white tighty whitey’s with the SPB logo, and the wetting process will involve water pistols.” I can’t see a single way this could go wrong.
While the contest is open to anybody, “obvious show-offs will be heckled” and men over 8 inches will be forced to purchase a round for all the judges. The contestants will also participate in a question and answer portion, including discussions regarding their experiences, as the organizers feel that talking about the “issue of teeny peenies will turn embarrassing stories into empowerment.” Though I think the phrase “teen peeny” is completely ridiculous, who knows? Perhaps telling these stories with several people who have had similar experiences in the past could heal some potential wound remnants.
As humorous as the idea of any contest involving dicks is, I do think this is a good opportunity to remind errbody that men can experience the difficulty of accepting their bodies due to societal pressures, and that they, too, can feel shame for how others make them feel. Needless to say: don’t run around making fun of guys’ penises in ways that might hurt their feelings, and likewise regarding vaginas. Sex organs are generally weird but incredibly diverse, so we should all just accept that fact that each and every one of us will probably see something that’s unexpected or odd to us.
And then we can all have a wet t-shirt contest with our — wait, no, never mind. I’ll probably just stick to proverbially celebrating myself, perhaps. The contest will be held on July 20th starting at 5 PM, though, and since I’m not going away this summer, perhaps I’ll wind up cheering these tighty-whitey shenanigans on.