anti aging mask

A Japanese store called Japan Trend Shop is selling something called a “face bra” for the express purpose of “fight[ing] the smile lines that grow more prominently with age,” according to The Daily Mail. It’s called The Hourei Lift Bra, and it’s hilarious looking.

[The bra is actually] a band that slides over the back of your head and then the frame fits easily onto your nose. Its soft silicone rubber curves have been designed to feel comfortable on your skin while the ‘wire’ design promises to place only gentle pressure on your cheeks.

According to the bra-makers, this “simple but effect device” is the “ticket to combating signs of aging.” Do you hear me? Throw out your antioxidants and you good genes and sun protection can go straight to hell. All you need is a face bra!

Also, you should do some mouth exercises while wearing this monstrosity, for best results (scientifically speaking, you will likely see no results from wearing the face bra). Here are the mouth exercises:

anti aging exercises

I wouldn’t recommend doing these in public, as most people will think you are propositioning them for what will turn out to be a very odd encounter.

So, everyone is terrified of aging because being old means nobody wants to do things to your holes or listen to what you have to say. I get it. But I’m in the prime of my youth so I don’t really care. I do want to address, however, this idea that it’s only women who care about aging. The Daily Mail begins their item about the face bra head holder thing with the following statement:

It seems that women will place their faith in all manner of weird and wonderful beauty lotions, potions and gadgets in their quest for youth.

Yeah, that whole silly ladies will believe any traveling salesman who tells her that he’ll make her pretty thing seems a little off, especially considering what we learned today about men and their quest for youth. Basically, we’re all idiots about looking young.

Photos: Japan Trend Shop