A few days ago, I saw the movie Trance with Rosario Dawson and James McAvoy. Without going too into the convoluted plot, there’s a point at which you realize that Dawson has been deeply pressured by another character to fully wax her vulva — a pressure that felt very uncomfortable to watch, as Dawson appeared looking anxious about the decision. It reminded me of my own past inner debate with pubic hair, and also of how glad I am that I’ve stopped caring so much about what other people think of my crotch.

Then today, I saw a study on Huffington Post about men’s preferences regarding women’s pubic hair. It made me irritated, but not because of the actual respondents’ answers; no, it bothered me that we’re still being told to do specific things with our body hair in order to please men.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever gotten a bikini wax.

Now raise your hand if you’ve ever gotten a bikini wax simply because you thought that’s what guys wanted.

If you’ve got that hand in the air, we’ve got some good news: That guy might not care as much about your bikini line as you thought. Or he does care, but a full-on Brazilian wax might not be necessary. A new study commissioned by hair removal company Nad’s surveyed 1,000 men and found that their most preferred “look” was not a Brazilian, but rather “‘trimmed and tidy’ –- a well kept ‘lady garden.'”

GOOD NEWS: we’re home-free on the pube front, my fellow hairy beastettes! Can’t wait to go tell my esthetician to fuck off because 1,000 men prefer me to be a garden of lightly fluffy pussy flowers rather than the smoothly-waxed new-car texture I’ve previously been told to have. Thanks for the permission, boys!

Later, HuffPo notes, “Of course no study can speak for all men.” Well, yeah, but considering we’re talking about women ripping off their pubic hair, shouldn’t we be speaking for them?

I realize that it can really sting when people say mean things or feel like rejecting you because of something as arbitrary as how you style your pubic hair. It hurts because it pertains to our choices regarding how we look, and when somebody insults that, it feels truly personal. But if somebody is not interested in you because you may or may not wax a heart into your crotch zone, then that person probably sucks and you shouldn’t sleep with him or her anyway. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s much better than dwelling on how frustratingly serious people’s judgments still are regarding pubic hair.

Listen, folks, let’s be straight about something: you don’t need to do shit to your pubic hair for guys in the same way you don’t need to change your haircut for guys or to “look natural” for guys. Of course, while this study was about men’s preferences (thus my use of male pronouns), this goes for anybody you know who’s pressuring you or telling you so-and-so only finds such-and-such attractive. Fuck them, and not in a good way.

And for the last time, if any design is going down (pun intended), it’s going to be whiskers.

Photo: Shutterstock