This isn’t weird.

You may know Tyson Beckford, extremely important male supermodel, as the guy from Toni Braxton‘s “Unbreak My Heart” video and maybe a Fast & the Furious sequel? Some kind of underground racing movie? Maybe with motorcycles?

But! According to Tyson Beckford, Tyson Beckford is the world’s most important male supermodel, as opposed to, say, the world’s worst boyfriend. While hosting Bravo’s Make Me A Supermodel, Beckford met now-Victoria’s Secret face Shanina Shaik. Even though Shaik was competing on a televised beauty contest, she was still all unglamorous and flabby. Until Tyson got a hold of her!

When I found her she was a regular girl. I helped place her with the right people, get her teeth cleaned, her body toned up. Everything changed and now everyone wants a piece of her. I hear people say, “You can do better than Tyson.” I’m like, “Really? Really?! I created her!”?’

Dude. Wherever you are, run outside, find a reporter and grab that reporter by the shoulders, then insist this was taken out of context until that reporter agrees to run it.

Of course, if Shaik doesn’t like being talked about in this extremely demeaning way, tough shit. Tyson does what Tyson wants:

“As a supermodel I go with the other supers round the world: Dubai one day, Paris the next. There’s partying. I’ll wake up in a hotel room and there are people all over the floor and I’m like, “Is this really happening?” One time in Miami I woke up in the bathtub.”

While you try and parse out all the individual aspects of this that are funny, enjoy this seamy mini-movie classic: