kettleball weightlifting

In case you were wondering – and why wouldn’t you be? – Tatyana Kozhevnikovam has the world’s strongest vagina. She holds the Guinness World record for “vagina weightlifting.”

When you hear – as I did – that “vagina weightlifting” is a thing that exists in the world, what do you expect? I expected that there was, say, some woman in a sex show who could maybe pick up a small round weight with her vagina. That seemed logical to me! I’ve never been to a sex show, so I sort of assume that they’re just people doing silly things with their vaginas.

30 pounds. That’s the size of the kettleball Tatyana can lift. 30 pounds. Using only her vagina.

Cosmopolitan responds to this by saying: 

Obviously this is horrible news because now it’s just a matter of time before we’re all going straight from our Spin Classes to Crotch-Fit. Not only does your vagina now have to be hair-free and cute, but also yoked! Oy vey!

At which point you might wonder, “Are the writers at Cosmopolitan insane?” Because, no. No, this is not accurate. No, this is not even a skill we remotely need. This is one of those skills like long division, where the only time it is actually like to come in useful is if a crazy person comes up to you and says “I will kill you unless you pick up this 30 pound kettleball with your vagina.” And frankly, in that situation I don’t think you should take that crazy person at their world.

Still, I guess, congratulations, Tatyana! Your vagina is very strong and impressive and can help you carry things when your hands are full.