Taylor Swift's RED Tour - Berlin, Germany

When Taylor Swift decides to get a haircut, she doesn’t, you know, call a hair salon and make an appointment and then pop by after work. Instead, Taylor Swift makes a dramatic, frivolous attention show out of the whole thing, and collects a group of individuals to watch her get her hair cut. She also makes someone spin her around in the chair so she can film all of their reactions. Nobody has bought into the Taylor Swift mania more than Swift herself, and so I’m not surprised that she thought a ton of people would just love to watch her chop her hair off.

Perhaps at your high school, someone got cancer and then the whole football team shaved their heads in solidarity in front of the whole school at your weekly assembly while The Black Eyed Peas blasted over the sound system and it was great and fun and you were “ugh, I love high school and I never want it to end” (I don’t know, don’t some people peak in high school?). That is the only acceptable reason to make your haircut a spectator sport. Here’s the video that Swift took of all her hip, cool friends who are crazy over haircuts. No but really. They love haircuts. Try and tell me these people aren’t going bananas over here.

Nobody in the world has ever been this excited about a haircut. Perhaps all of these people were just released from prisons, given Swift-approved makeovers, and then showed a camera phone for the first time in their lives. It’s the only explanation for their hysteria. I seriously want to know who those people are–fans? Paid actors? Her entire entourage who cleared out the salon? I don’t know what’s worse–the desperate compulsion to say “here are all the people who care about me getting a haircut” or the poor publicist who had find all of these hip cats to mug in her video. I don’t even want know what Swift’s gynecologist appointments look like.

 

And at long last, here’s the final result:

Ah.

Photos: Getty Images, Instagram