As part of their Milk Mustache Campaign, Got Milk has all manner of celeb on its website to promote drinking milk. To be fair, my fiance drinks milk with dinner and it’s reminded me that milk is indeed a refreshing accompaniment to any meal. But that doesn’t mean that the Hasselbecks and their holier-than-thou ‘tude disappears the moment they toss a layer of cow juice on their upper lips. In fact, I think it makes them more annoying. There, I said it. Because, I mean, look at them. They’re just so smug. So proud of themselves for being so goddamn all-American, with their milk and their whiteness and their football. I’d like to slap that milk mustache off both of their faces. They’re like the Prius owners of beverages.

PS — If you hit up the website, you can also see the Hasselbeck’s sassy video about how cool it is to drink milk in front of your kids! And, of course, how sincere they are, mixed with a little wholesome, apple pie fun. “Interestingly enough, when I played in the NFL, during training camp, I would drink chocolate milk after our second practice.” Indeed, Tim, that IS interesting! And adorable.