Karl Lagerfeld is shooting the Pirelli Calendar (it’s the one with all the nude models) and people are very excited because he’s using Greco-Roman mythology as the theme. So, okay, it will be the same naked girls as always but OMG THEY WILL HAVE GRAPE LEAVES IN THEIR HAIR. You say models look like goddesses? Really? Well. This is probably the most obvious theme ever. Here are some better ones:

Space Invaders. And the last shot is a nude model crawling inside an animal carcass on the planet Hoth. It’s hot. It’s cool. It’s everything a calendar should be.

Laser Tag. Models with lasers. Lasers are awesome. Some of the models should have lasers coming out of their eyeballs, like in Watchmen.

Models Beating People Up. And then it turns out they’re all in  fight club!

Sadie Hawkins. It’s models asking out ugly guys and being rejected because they’re too tall and intimidating.

Model Robots. And then in the end, the robot finds love.

Double Down Challenge For Models. Models eat fast food. SEXY fast food.

Models Doing Puzzles At Home Surrounded By Cats, Watching Boston Legal. There is no shame in this, except that Boston Legal has less to do with Star Trek than William Shatner’s presence would lead you to believe.

Model Zombies. Look, both groups eat a very high protein diet.