I have gleaned from my increasing interest in enjoying soups at mealtime, and the frequency with which I have to hide my face in my scarf after being coughed at by strangers on the bus, that the season of colds, flus and other ickinesses is now upon us.

I am now applying hand sanitizer.

I am now continuing typing.

I know that science says that being cold doesn’t give you a cold, but there is a distinct chill in the air and, well, you can’t argue with the bloodshot-eyed lineup of snot trolls at the pharmacy clutching night-time cold pills and copies of People Magazine.

I fell prey to a nasty infection last week, despite frequent exercise and hand-washing, and it was totally bum (this is my new phrase for illness). I had to go to my parents’ house for a time, for which I felt extremely guilty, because I was in such a stinky mood and I didn’t want to inflict them with it. But, despite being an adult, I also didn’t feel well and wanted my mommy, so, y’know…

While I stuck out my week of bed-rest, I did many things in a desperate attempt to speed recovery. And now that I am well again, I realize in healthy hindsight how completely ridiculous most of my “strategies” were. So, to save you from similar sickness time-sucks, I have compiled a hopefully helpful list of things that will definitely not make you any better during your illness… and a few things that might.

Read more of Brianna’s work at www.briannagoldberg.com and follow her @b_goldberg . She is very funny.