Look, I’m not saying you should take candy from a baby. Babies should not be eating candy, let alone having it stolen from them by an adult who is significantly more qualified for employment. But there are things you should take from them. Namely: their beauty products. Well, for them, they’re not really beauty products. They are more like “peculiar liquids continuously applied to me during hygienic circumstances and after bodily functions.” Or something more in the baby vocabulary range.

But I digress: basically, these are wonderful things that babies benefit from, and so can you–particularly if you have sensitive skin. Don’t let babies have all the fun, friends.

Organic Baby Powder

Their Powder

Baby powder is one of those products that can be used for so many purposes: preventing chafing on your inner thighs, calming down skin, absorbing hair oil, keeping your underarms “fresh”…it’s a crazy useful product. Unfortunately, it usually smells like, well, babies. But luckily, there are ones for when you don’t want to smell like your diaper was just changed, like Nature’s Paradise Organics Organic Baby Powder ($12.99) in its coconut scent.


Their Balm

Baby balm, like this one from Noodle and Boo ($16), are meant to help moisturize the delicate skin of little ones. This particular formula has calendula, which is gentle but effective in providing moisture. So, you know, make sure you let the baby use this before you steal it because it’ll be good for their skin, too.

Pottery Barn Kids, Shaped Elephant Storage, $99, www.potterybarnkids.com .jpg

Their Room Wares

Babies don’t care about elephants because they don’t even know what elephants are. You know what an elephant is. You know they’re awesome. Take this. Take it to your little one-bedroom share and put it in the corner for all those international magazines you keep telling yourself you’ll do a “cool project” with. (No but really, how cute is this? It’s from Pottery Barn Kids for $99!)

erbaorganics baby_shampoo

Their Shampoo

As somebody who has still not mastered the art of keeping shampoo out of her eyes altogether, baby shampoo is awesome. While I wouldn’t choose Johnson & Johnson‘s iconic yellow version of this must-have, I recommend going for a natural, nontoxic one like this one from ErbaOrganics ($12)! It’s great for people who have dyed locks, problematic hair, and easily irritated scalps.

Their Food

Oh, you feel dumb eating Teddy Grahams in public because you’re over 9 and your mom didn’t pack them for you, which actually made you feel dumb as a 9-year-old? Yeah, F that. Take those Teddies and devour them. They’re better than just eating hors d’oeuvres that have no identifiable ingredients.

Things you should steal from babies

Smug jerk.

Their Friends

Speaking of bears, I did not actually snuggle that much with stuffed animals as a kid, but since I was about 16, I’ve cuddled with a teddy bear (who was born on 6/6/06, incidentally making her potential demon spawn). And you know what? It’s really therapeutic. I am certain people have thought it was weird in the past, but honestly, it is one of my favorite things about falling asleep. Plus, when I’m on a plane and there’s a little kid sitting next to me, they can give Chloe Evelyn a high-five. And that’s what it’s all about, right? Selfishly regressing and then giving back minimally, f’real.