Have you ever looked at my TV boyfriend Anderson Cooper and thought, “he’s all right I suppose, but his creamy skin would look even better with some orange, airbrushed muscles”? Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has, and today on Andie’s new daytime talk show, she friggin’ did something about it.

After pronouncing the difference between his skin tone and hers “scary,” Snooki ushers Coop into a tanning salon, where she assures him “this isn’t gonna hurt” and “you’re gonna look hotter.” But wait, first she needs to get her teeth whitened. Okay, ready now. Anderson takes off his shirt (yesss) and she gets all surprised at how jacked he is for a big, pale, nerd. “I had no idea Mr. Anderstan [sic.] had muscles,” she says. (Clearly she’s never read Gawker, or she’d know he works out all the time with his super dreamy boyfriend.) “So when he took off his shirt and he had, like, a huge peanut muscle, it was pretty cool.” This sounds dirty, but she points to her arm when she says it, so I guess it’s not.

After being sprayed down, he leaves looking like he just spent a week in Seaside Heights. What kinds of daytime segments this new fellow, Tanderson Cooper produce? Strangely fascinating ones. As someone who has never set foot inside a tanning salon, I actually found this all somewhat interesting, in a curious, anthropological sort of way. I had no idea they could highlight your muscles and cheekbones with a spray tan, and those little pads they stick to the bottoms of your feet? Hilarious. I think I might be starting to get the appeal of The Jersey Shore. Now that is scarier than the palest of pale skin.