If you needed any more proof that the Miss USA pageant is basically a training camp for blush abusing, reactionary demagogues, here is some. A video recently released by the pageant shows all of its contestants answering the question “do you think evolution should be taught in schools?” and it’s simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. From what I was able to decipher, most of the contestants think that the theory of evolution should be taught in schools, but only alongside “the Biblical stuff” so that children can get both sides of the story. (Because public schools are totally allowed to teach “Biblical stuff.”) And of course, some don’t think it should be taught at all, because it makes the baby Jesus cry.

Among all the equivocating, only two out of the fifty girls(!) profess to believe in evolution themselves. My gold star goes to ultimate winner Alyssa Campanella for not only professing a belief in evolution, but calling herself a “huge science geek” to boot. Yay science! Some might think her first place win is evidence Miss USA is not, in fact, a reactionary indoctrination machine, but I think they’re just throwing us off the scent, so whatever.

And Miss Hawaii and Miss Idaho get honorable mentions for inventing the words/phrases “creationitism” and “you should be knowledged about it,” respectively. They clearly both have futures as vice presidential candidates.