[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lg1WYRTVEU?fs=1]
“Tanning is my everything because it makes me really happy. Whenever I’m sad or upset going tanning just makes me perk right up.”

On one hand, I hear these reports and think “these people are nuts” but then I always have a moment where I wish I had something that could make me instantaneously happy. Something weird. Please help me come up with things, things that will preferably not turn me orange.