rum tum tugger

So, I am completing the last day of my water fast which I have undertaken because I am disciple of Rum Tum Tugger, the curious cat.

And honestly, the worst thing about it by day three is that it’s boring. You seriously don’t get the same fun out of life that you are accustomed to. Namely, you don’t get to get to go have a snack when you get bored, because snacking is something that can turn any time from boring time into fun-time.

I don’t feel particularly terrible – by the third day of consuming no food and drinking only water the hunger is more sort of a gnawing emptiness – but it’s really irritating that during the times when I could be enjoying breakfast or lunch I am now doing… nothing. I am drinking water.

I bought myself Perrier to make it “fun.”

It didn’t really work. I also bought groceries which seemed like a normal, human activity that I might do on the weekend, and I was surprised to realize that I didn’t want to rip the food off the shelves and just devour it all. I shopped in exactly the way I normally would have shopped. Actually, that’s not true. I bought a ton of soup, because you’re supposed to gently settle back into eating once you are on a fast, and have lots of juices and liquids and vegetables. So. Soup.

Portabello mushroom soup. I didn’t buy any actual mushrooms to mix into it, and I feel, almost immediately, that this is a decision I will live to regret. As I bought it I fantasized about every food I have ever loved and how incredible it would be to get to eat them all again.

I thought about Friday on Treasure Island who said “‘Many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese – toasted, mostly – and woke up again, and here I were…”

God, it really must have sucked to be Friday.

After I bought groceries andtook them home I just stood and stared at my door for an unreasonable amount of time. I thought about breaking the fast, but it was only noon, and that was only two and a half days (I guess, technically, I was aiming for 3 and half, since the first night shouldn’t count, since you’re asleep.) I stared at my door some more.

And then I went to the place where people with no place to go go.

Rock of Ages. Starring Tom Cruise? And Alec Baldwin? And Julianne Hough?

The question marks are meant to say – who was this movie made for? People who really love heavy metal, I guess, but also people who are very excited to see Tom Cruise shirtless cpping Catherine Zeta Jone’s breasts? Are they one and the same? Is that who goes to The Legend of Zorro?

I mean, I went to the Legend of Zorro, which is why I’m referncing it, but I spent the entire time trying to figure out who the director thought would be viewing Rock of Ages.

I guess he thought “people.”

He was right! There were people there. A smattering of them had mullets. There was also a teenage girl eating Raisinettes and popcorn who saw the Taco Bell commercial that they show before the movie with the tagline ‘FourthMeal Late Night Food” and loudly remarked “why would anyone want a fourth meal?”

It took all my composure, and frankly, my overwhelming desire to not be kicked out of the theater so I could see a long haired dancing Jack Donaghy, to stop from running over to her and exclaiming “you, Teenage Girl! You! You are mixing Raisinttes and popcorn right now! You are FourthMeal! That is you they are talking about! NOT ME! I LIVE ON WATER AND SUNLIGHT! LIKE A PLANT. LIKE A BEAUTIFUL ORCHID WHO THINKS.”

Like Audrey.

I think that might have been a sign that the fast was making me absolutely insane, but also, teenage girls in movie theaters are unbelievably annoying, so it could have been either one.

The movie was weird.

Is that a fair asssessment? Why don’t you go see it and we’ll talk about it.

I took the subway home, and I fell asleep around 5. I woke briefly to tell a friend I couldn’t go to a party. I went back to sleep. Then I woke up and watched Kramer and Kramer and thought about all the foods I could eat the next morning. When it was time to go to sleep it was nearly impossible, because I felt exactly the way you feel as a child on Christmas Eve.

Which, I suppose, was a really good part of this. If you want to realize how great basic aspects of your daily life are, rather than reading Our Town for the thousandth time, it’s worthwhile to give them up for a little bit. I’m not saying that everyone should do this with food, but, hell, maybe taking a week off drinking or desserts will make them seem way more magical when you come back to them. I’m pretty sure that tomorrow I’m going to really, sincerely appreciate food – and in the way, I can see why this is something that people do for legitimate religious reasons. It’s a reminder to be grateful.

Also – and I know this was kind of intended as a silly stunt – but I feel pretty proud of myself for making it through the entire three days. Of course, actually fasting isn’t something everyone should do, but it was good to realize that we can do things that may first strike us as impossible.

I mean, don’t start drinking poison because it seems impossible that you’ll live afterwards. Don’t do that.

I mean sane things. Things that test your willpower without killing you. And, hell, if I can do this, maybe I can run a marathon or pitch some more places I’d like to write for or check off a number of other goals? Why? Because I’m a beautiful goddamn flower. Like Audrey.


Rum Tum Tugger via FreeWebs

Audrey via Eclectric Dragonfly