44th Annual Grammy Awards

As someone who loves to work out just a tiny bit less than she loves to eat burritos, I’m always optimistic about new fitness discoveries. I don’t have significant weight to lose, but I do have a horrible attitude– so I got really excited when I heard that people are wearing strings around their waists to trick themselves into losing weight. All I have to do is walk around looking like Christina Aguilera in the ’90s? Sold. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to work. And even more unfortunately, it’s freaking stupid.

Cheryl Wischhover over at Fashionista gave it a try and ordered a Malory Band, which claims to serve as a psychological reminder of why you shouldn’t eat too much. (Her account is really entertaining, by the way, and I recommend reading the whole thing.) Basically, if you fill up on bread, the string feels tighter. And reminds you that you ate bread. In theory, this tight feeling would be frustrating enough that you wouldn’t go for the baguette next time. In reality, I’d probably just rip the band off and use it like one of those clay tools to cut up pieces of butter. To add to my bread. Words cannot describe how vastly superior buttered bread is to wearing a belly chain corset.

Here's what I mean when I talk about clay cutter tools. In case a prerequisite to understanding that reference is having gotten a B- in a college ceramics class.

Here’s what I mean when I talk about clay cutter tools. In case a prerequisite to understanding that reference is having gotten a B- in a college ceramics class.

I’m not about to tell someone not to tie a weight loss string around their waist, because for someone with more willpower, this might be a good strategy for curbing overeating habits. I’m just going to say that it’s, you know… dumb. It’s dumb. Taking care of yourself and being mindful of what you put into your body (and brain!) is a good thing. Looking like a young Xtina? Not so much.

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