champagne diet

Jesus Christ. I’m so hungry. I want all the bread and maybe 5 pounds of cake.

9:00 – HUNGRY LIKE A HIPPO.

9:30 – Yogurt. Fruit. I seriously believe this is a great idea and something I’m going to stick to, because having yogurt and fruit in the morning is the best.It’s about 300 calories. Unfortunately, since I went to bed hungry last night I am still hungry after finishing it.

12:00 – Cauliflower soup. Trying to keep my calorie count low to allow for dinner later (champagne takes up 200 calories, and I’m trying to keep it in the 1,200 calorie range the diet recommends).300 calories.

12:30 – I should not have done pilates yesterday, maybe? How do people exercise on this diet? Do you get extra calories for the calories you burn off?

1:00 – Company orders pizza for our meeting. It smells delicious. I am in Hell.

1:15 – It’s cool how all I can think about is pizza and “pizzas I have eaten” whereas a week ago, this might not have seemed like a very big deal.

1:20 – I have eaten some good pizzas in my life.

1:30 – I wonder what’s going on with this “meeting.”

1:31 – Pizza.

1:32 – The best pizza I ever had was probably this brie and caremlized onion one. I know that sounds like stupidly fancy pizza, but the brie cheese blending with the regular cheese – that really worked. And it was surprisingly unpretentious. I believe I was 14 when I had that pizza, so it might have just seemed new and exciting at the time. You know how it is when you’re 14, eating weird foods. Being happy.

1:37 – I also like baked brie.

1:40 – Oh, fuck it. Eating pizza.

1:45 – Eating one slice of broccoli and onion pizza because it at least seemed like the healthiest option.

1:46 – Filled with cataclysmic amount of rage that it is not as good as the pizza I ate when I was 14. I mean, of course it’s not. It’s been sitting out for 45 minutes and broccoli and onion isn’t even a great combination. So, obviously. But still! Still! I think this accounts for my day’s calorie allotment.

4:00 – I’m hungry again.

4:30 – Someone sent us some salted nuts? Eating a handful. Seems healthy, and classy, as the diet advises, maybe!

6:00 – Going out for cocktails with Amanda Chatel and Briana, from our sister site, Blisstree. I’m pretty psyched that I can still have two glasses of champagne, which is what I would order anyway.

6:30 -Amanda letting me eat all the olives out of her martini.

8:00 – I am now drunk off of two glasses of champagne, going home to bed.

10:00 – Wake up. Hungry!

11:30 – Still hungry. Asleep.

Overall: Jesus Christ, I think I need to incorporate about 500 more calories into this diet to survive and be functional. I am still hungry a day later. I have newfound respect for hippos, though, and also, a kind of fuzzy plan to begin making my own caremelized onion brie pizza tomorrow.