Look, this is partly just an excuse to post this note, which I thought was funny. Hah! Anthropomorphic qualities attributed to inanimate objects! Hah! Hah!

That’s my kind of joke. For real. I like shaming Coke Zero like it’s in the stocks.

For I, also, prefer Diet Dr Pepper. Did you know that the Dr in that doesn’t have a period after its name? That’s because people were worried it would be confused with medicine. I supposed it’s therefore actually pronounced “duh-er pepper.” But that sounds ridiculous.

Obviously, the all time best beverage was Diet Berries and Cream Dr Pepper. That stuff was like crack for girls who loved diet beverages. They discontinued it years ago, and I’ve never quite gotten over it. I have one can left in my fridge. I’ve covered it in notes saying “do not touch” and am saving it for my wedding day. I’m probably just going to guzzle it, right at the altar. If I never get married, I guess I’ll leave it to someone worthy, but I haven’t met that person, yet.

These days I mostly drink Zero Calorie Monster. Jesus. I wish I were joking about this. I wish I could be like “I drink herbal tea!” but I can’t. I’m allergic to tea. And I’m sure Zero Calorie Monster won’t give me a heart attack… today.

Please inform me of the all time best drink. It’s on you, now. Go.