The New York Post says that most women would rather be celibate for a year than sexually satisfied and overweight. For myself, I would rather be skinny and incredibly sexually satisfied. Like Grace Kelly! But Grace Kelly with a little more oomph, you know? Oomph. (Boobies). I would like to look like Grace Kelly and spend the entire day with my lover, who left his career as an English professor to be a billionaire. I would like to lie on the beach with him and have him give me a book where all the words are raised, like in braille, but raised with diamonds. And while he is doing that I will just run my fingers over my ribs, counting them, because I am so skinny. And then I want to eat peanut butter pie, because I want the skinny to be effortless. And then I would like us to do it like the marmosets do on The Discovery Channel.

That is what I would like.

I think that should have been the third option.

Ashley doesn’t care, but Ashley just hates sex.