I feel like the pre-bikini wax numbing underwear raises a great question about whether laziness trumps pain.

I know, we don’t usually do this, but we are about to get intimate here! Get ready! Down some wine! Okay, here are things I do to theoretically lessen the pain before/during a Brazilian wax.

1) Take an Advil beforehand

2) Pull up the skin around my abdomen during the process. Some lady one told me that if the skin is pulled tight it will hurt less, so I spend the entire process pressing my stomach skin up with my palms. I think the waxers look at me skeptically, but they’ve seen weirder stuff, probably. I do not think this works or makes any difference, but it makes me feel as though I have some control over the process, maybe? Whatever.

Amount of time this anti-pain rituals take out of my schedule: 30 seconds.

Apparently if I wore BareEase and Cream:

BareEase & Cream makes the hair removal experience ouchless, safe and convenient. The BareEase panty isolates the pain-relieving cream to desired areas, providing a barrier to maximize medicinal impact and protect your clothing. Its design delivers a numbing effect with less medication, reducing the risk of potential side effects. And, as the product works discreetly beneath your clothing, your daily routine is uninterrupted as you prepare for your hair removal treatment!

First of all, I’m skeptical about whether or not it will actually be ouchless. I imagine that it will be like pulling a band-aid off of numb skin rather than pulling a band-aid off of normal skin. I also imagine I will be going around with numb lady bits all day, and that will be awkward. I do not want numb lady bits all day. I also don’t want to be applying cream to my nether regions in the morning and then wearing plastic underwear over that cream.

Amount of time I imagine this would take actually: 10 minutes

Amount of time I imagine I would devote to feeling awkward about the numbness: At least an hour, spaced over varying intervals.

So, Advil, useless stomach pulling it is.

Sloth for the win!