Is there anyone who watches Paper Moon and doesn’t want to run off and become a grifter? (The answer is no.) At TheGloss, we appreciate all kinds of grifting  that aren’t actually being done to us. I loved the Hipster Grifter story. But come on, Gawker, are you really trying to make this California “Crying Girl” Grifter story happen? It’s not going to happen. Here’s why:

Reasons the Hipster Grifter was amazing:

She lured men in by sending them notes that read “I want you to throw your hot dog down my hallway” and “I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.” Those pick-up lines that have now become classics.

People didn’t realize she was stealing from them for months – like the guy who she slept with who then discovered he’d lost his cellphone who remarked “It turns out that night she stole my cell phone—but it was done in such a way that it wasn’t until months later that I realized: I didn’t lose my phone that night, she took it.”

She somehow made people believe her ridiculous excuses about her ATM Card never working. “She had an ATM card, Bobby recalled, but it never seemed to work; she could only get cash out of it, not use it as a debit card, and, she told him, it only worked at this one bodega near her apartment. So she would borrow money and promise to pay it back.”

She told everyone she was dying of cancer and needed money for her recovery.

She continued to go out partying while telling everyone she was dying of cancer. “She was dancing, smoking pot. I thought it was really strange that if she was dying of lung cancer, she’d be smoking pot.”

She did stuff like book a $10,000 table at the Box by saying it was “for the publisher of Vice’s birthday.”

She scammed someone to get a box set of Flight of the Conchords.

Reasons the “Crying Girl Grifter” is not that amazing.

She runs up to people crying and says her mother just died and she needs $40 for bus fare home.

That’s it.

Look, homeless people have been doing that for ages. That’s not a sign of being a grifter, that’s a sign of being hooked on meth. I think at one point they actually taught classes on how to panhandle and the tips were things like “evoke people’s sympathies by telling them you had a relative who just died.” The only reason that this story is getting any press whatsoever is because the Crying Girl is 1) white, and 2) is in beauty pagents. When she starts demanding people throw a hot dog down her hallway, then maybe it will get interesting.