It appears that absolutely no one is picking up on my subtle hints that EVERYONE AT THE GLOSS IS OPEN TO BRIBERY, VERY OPEN because companies like Yves St. Laurent choose instead to flush their money down the toilet by giving it to people like Derek Blasberg. According to Jezebel, the reporter was given $2,500 to cover a party YSL was throwing. Derek denies this, though he says he does do some “consulting work” for Yves St. Laurent. Allison Brod PR, who was handling the event, claims that they don’t pay money for event coverage.

Some people are upset because, if the rumor is true, this might skew Derek’s coverage and mean that he only writes nice things about the party.

Let’s all take a moment to have a hearty laugh at those people.

What some people have apparently failed to notice is that this is Derek Blasberg we’re talking about. This is not Truman Capote. You don’t need to bribe him because there is no way in hell he’s going to write anything negative about your party. What’s more, he needs to attend your party. His entire shtick is going out and palling around with celebrities at parties and writing a booked called Classy (sadly, he once declined to answer some basic questions for us like “how do you look classy when retrieving your friends from a meth den?” and “how do you look classy while being sexually harassed by TerryRichardson?”) He’s openly said he only writes nice things about people and events he attends. If he didn’t, then he probably wouldn’t continue to be invited to parties where he could pal around with famous people, so it’s really in everyone’s best interest.

He’s also doing party coverage, not covering prison conditions in North Korea. We’ve done party coverage. You basically walk up to celebrities and interrupt their conversations by saying something like “so, umm, what World Cup team are you rooting for?” while waving a tape recorder wildly in their faces. They proceed to stare at you and say “umm, America?” while looking at you as if to say ‘who are you? Are you a crazy person? No, for serious, are you a crazy person?’ (it’s because you forgot to introduce yourself and say who you write for!)  and then you say something like “so, are you a patriot then!?’ and they say “I’m Tom Hanks, I made Saving Private Ryan.” And you write something like “Tom Hanks fondly recalls the brave men and women of WWII when rooting for America in the World Cup.” And you throw something in about the canapes because you’re approximately 190 words short.

Which is to say, it’s almost impossible to write anything negative about a party to begin with. You hang out, you eat some mini cupcakes, drink some champagne, pray that someone says something funny, and then go home and try to say something – anything – amusing about it. Barring making up outright lies about how Tom Hanks lit a waiter on fire while screaming “stop people from eating all the chocolate cupcakes! Also, I am a Nazi!” it’s almost impossible to report on parties in a negative way.

Except, maybe, if you’re Truman Capote. But definitely not if you’re Derek Blasberg.

(thanks to our sister site Crushable for the juicy and delicious picture of Derek).