You know them, I know them, and now they have nothing to do. I’m referring to those poor, shirtless, well toned Hollister boys who stand outside of the store. What are they doing exactly? Promoting the store? Maybe. Looking good? Definitely. But since Hollister’s Soho store had to close due to the bed bug epidemic, we’re worried. We’re VERY worried. What are these boys going to do? Well, we’ve come up with a couple of options for them.
1. Since Hollister is actually owned by Abercrombie, they can just transfer jobs without fear of being ridiculed by their former employer. This is the easiest and most ideal case for the boys.
UPDATE: Or maybe not…
2. Porn. Their upper bodies certainly qualify but I can not speak for the rest of them.
3. Cabana Boys. You know, the ones when you’re on Spring Break and they hand you your towels or your fruity drink with the little umbrella on top.
4. They can all ban together and create some sort of internet parody video and hope it becomes viral. Maybe they can parody Lady Gaga? Or Katy Perry?
5. Work for UPS. Remember the “Hot UPS Guy” from Legally Blonde? Well, I wouldn’t mind one of THEM delivering my packages. Shirtless, of course.
6. Calvin Klein Underwear Model. Because I’m pretty sure Calvin Klein was the first to give good looking, shirtless guys with little to no talent their first lucrative paying job. It would only make sense if these boys turned to him during times of trouble.
7. The best thing they can do however, is hope that one of these shirtless models has an allergic reaction to the bed bugs. If that happens, they can sue Hollister for all their worth and split the money between them.