2013 YouTube Music Awards

When Lady Gaga broke her hip last year, she turned to smoking marijuana as a way to cope with the severe pain. In fact, she apparently smoked 15 joints a day (baller?). As she put it:

“I was just numbing, numbing, numbing myself then sleeping it off, then getting on stage, killing it in pain, then getting off and smoking, smoking, smoking, not knowing what the pain was.”

That sounds awful, and if smoking helped her manage the pain, then good for her for finding something to help her out. This is the second time we’ve heard from Gaga this week during her reinvention as an artist (ish)—we all remember that she’s going to outer space, right? In light of all the new Gaga attention, we started to get nostalgic for the old days when she’d put her foot in her mouth and stare blankly at the camera, having pronounced nonsensical humble brags and thinking herself quite the prophet. We went back through our illuminated manuscripts of Gaga quotes to round up the 10 most outrageous, annoying, and absurd Lady Gaga quotes.

1. In response to the criticism over her meat dress, Gaga told Ellen DeGeneres:

“As you know, I am the most judgment-free human being on the earth.”

2. It’s totally cool if you don’t want to call yourself a feminist, but, this is not great.

“I’m not a feminist – I, I hail men, I love men. I celebrate American male culture, and beer, and bars and muscle cars….”

Like how many times do feminists have to be like “No, I love giving blowjobs” before we stop equating feminism with hating men?

3. In April of this year, Gaga got kind of confused about that whole healthy body image thing she loves to pretend she invented and tweeted:

“Just killed back to back spin classes. Eating a salad dreaming of a cheeseburger #PopSingersDontEat #IWasBornThisWay.”

4. Gaga explains Gaga:

“And now, I’m just trying to change the world, one sequin at a time.”

Who does she think she is, Liberace?

5. Gaga’s process sounds like it could maybe use safer practices:

“When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time.”

Then again, as a writer, I do feel like I’m having unprotected sex with all of you reading, right now. Thanks for blowing my mind.

6. How does she say this stuff with a straight face?

“I am a walking piece of art every day, with my dreams and my ambitions forward at all times in an effort to inspire my fans to lead their life in that way.”

7. Kind of wish Gaga would stop going through my 2003 Livejournal entries to steal quotes:

“I’m definitely a Polaroid camera girl. For me, what I’m really excited about is bringing back the artistry and the nature of Polaroid.”

8. This also sounds like it was stolen from my personal collection of embarrassing quotes from 2003; perhaps it was an artist statement about a Polaroid photo of a landfill.

“I like pushing boundaries.”

9. While Gaga has done some admirable work to increase awareness about bullying, I am confused by this:

“There really is no difference between the bully and the victim.”

10. And the winner, as told to Vanity Fair:

“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”

Never change, Lady Gaga.

Photo: Getty Images