The cast of Dancing With the Stars‘ eleventh season was announced yesterday. Most of the contestants’ names had already been leaked, but that doesn’t mean the show is going to be any less awesome. Here are some of the hopes I have for the new season.
1. They make David Hasselhoff do a dance to “Cheeseburger in Paradise.”
2. The Situation and Bristol Palin hook up. Think of the potential future reality programming! Plus, we already know that Snooki voted for McCain.
3. Barry “Greg Brady” Williams shows up to support Florence Henderson and gives TMI interview about how they totally almost did it one time.
4. Michael Bolton grows his hair back out.
5. One of the judges uses the phrase “no-talent assclown” when critiquing one of Bolton’s performances. (I think Bruno would be best for this, as he has no shame.)
6. A judge refers to one of Brandy’s performances as a “car wreck” instead of a “trainwreck.” Too soon?
7. Margaret Cho is repeatedly bleeped. Bonus points if she is bleeped while arguing with Carrie Ann about her scores.
8. Jennifer Grey comes out for her first dance carrying a watermelon.
9. Eliza Dushku jumps out of the crowd to kick Rick Fox’s partner’s ass if she gets too close.
10. The Situation wins the entire show. Seriously, I think the universe might explode.