Consumerist reports today that a man in Oklahoma tried to steal a soda truck from outside a Chili’s while not wearing any pants. I’d say that this is a pretty significant crime-committing rule to break, because you want your victims to take you seriously as a threat, and if they could just reach down and rip your balls off with their bare hands they probably won’t be quite as scared.
So here are a few other tips for successfully committing crimes:
- Don’t holler out your first and last name.
- Don’t apologize! This is the time to be a Strong Woman.
- Double check that you have your identification when leaving the scene. I think we all remember this valuable lesson from “True Romance.”
- Be prepared — know the name and address of the bank/restaurant/home you are going to rob. This saves precious time!
- Make a swift getaway — this is no time for idle chit-chat, even if that lady at the cash register is wearing a really cute pair of shoes.
Follow these rules and you should be on your way to world domination.