Sometimes, women get married. And sometimes when they get married, they completely lose their shit, take all their childhood trauma out on their friends, and forget that their bridesmaids and other people have lives outside of their wedding.

The good news is, you don’t have to be that woman. Yes! You can get married without completely alienating everyone you’ve ever considered dear, by simply following these tips.

1. Focus on the positive things that your family and friends have done, rather than the fact that someone missed a shower, or her hair isn’t the color you wanted. Most people in supporting roles have spent over $100 on a dress and devoted myriad weekends, emails, and consideration to making this event wonderful for you.

2. Speaking of bridesmaid’s dresses, unless you happen to know a bunch of pretty well-off people, how about you keep them to, say, under $150?

3. Say thank you. Before and after the wedding.

4. Remember the good times! Sure, your wedding is the most stressful thing you have ever willingly decided to do, but once upon a time you liked your friends enough to ask them to be in it, you had a decent relationship with your fiance and your mother, and you didn’t even know your mother-in-law. Try to bear that in mind, along with the fact that maybe you want to retain some of those relationships even after all has been forgiven.

5. Elope.