On July 1 at 5 PM (Monaco time), former Olympic swimmer and gushy Vogue fashion plate Charlene Wittstock will wed Prince (“Never Stops Being Hilarious”) Albert II in a ceremony whereby a legal contract of kinship is created between two people. Here are some SCANDALOUS! FACTS! we learned about her from hours of exhaustive research idly glancing at her Wikipedia page. Fair warning: some truly appalling knowledge ahead.