The most tragic and hurtful losses in my life have been break-ups with a friend. Losing a fella, although painful in its own right, is nothing compared to losing a friend. You expect them to always be there, but sometimes shit, drama or even just outgrowing one another screws it all up. I may have moved on from the men in my life, but it’s my former friends, I mourn the loss of on a daily basis. In the simplest and less painful way to put it: sometimes people just drift apart.

In sexual relationships, there’s almost an understanding that sometimes it won’t work out. I’m not assuming that all love is doomed, but I guess I just never thought that losing a friend, a person with whom there was was no sexual complication, drama or otherwise, was somehow an eternal bond. But sometimes it’s not; sometimes there’s a major falling out similar to that of a relationship with a significant other, or there’s a distance, literally a space that interrupts it all, or one day, after years of knowing someone, you realize it’s over.

My oldest friend in the world, Erin, whom I knew since preschool, and then off and on over the years, and I were never meant to be friends as an adult. And although I never mourned that loss because it was so much based on a past I barely remember, it’s a perfect example that change is inevitable in same cases.

As a New Yorker, and one who is a transplant, as many of us are, it’s hard to find and maintain friendships. So many people are out for themselves — not selfishly, but simply just to get by financially so they can live here and fulfill their dreams. I get that; I understand it perfectly. However, after living here for nine, going on 10 years, I’ve seen many friends come and go. Not because there was an absurd falling out, but sometimes friendship ceases and that love you had for them, although always there under the surface, superficially dies because we all have our own directions and goals we need to achieve.

I know friend loss is not exclusive to NYC-living. It happens the world over. So after a week of contemplating the topic and realizing with whom I plan to keep contact and those whom I’ve decided to abandon just because they quit making an effort, I thought it only appropriate to point out signs that we sometimes ignore, because as I said, losing a friend, is actually quite detrimental to the soul. I’d give up every man I’ve ever loved to have some of my female friends back. And I say that without even the slightest hesitation or reservation. But as I said earlier, sometimes people just drift apart, so instead of enduring the agony, sometimes it’s best to “nip it in the bud,” as they say.

 

Photo: Madame Noire

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