The sound of static never got anyone anywhere unless you're living in a Poltergeist movie.

I never really understood the daytime TV show circuit. I still imagine it the way it looked when my mother was a stay-at-home mom and everything was yellow or orange or pea green as they were in the early 80’s before neon took hold.

So when a daytime TV show asked me to be on one of their segments, I was hesitant. At first, I thought it would be fun. My next feeling was it would go terribly wrong because trying to speak for me is sometimes difficult, hence the reason I’m more comfortable putting words on paper. My last and final thought danced around the idea of it being a good career move or not. You know, in case I ever make it big someday, would I want something like a TV show in my past?

The segment was going to be about helping strained relationships, and how to mend them. As I already mentioned in an earlier post, it stemmed from a piece I did for Huffington Post, and it looked like it was a go until the controlling boyfriend of the friend with whom I was having this “strain” stepped in and put his foot down.

However, despite what happened and this friend and I immediately going into “off” mode again in the roller coaster that is our friendship, the TV show people could not have been any less concerned. As they called me several times a day in an effort to get both my friend and I on the show, they didn’t seem to give a damn about what they were doing to this already weak and fragile relationship. They literally did not care so much to the point that it was like watching yourself dying in the desert and hearing the vultures circling above your head just waiting for you to take your last breath.

When it became quite clear that the now-former friend wouldn’t be allowed to participate, the producers set their sights on me. Because there isn’t an entire world of people out there who needed some sort of relationship in their life fixed? It had to be me and the other couple of women they chose? It made me wonder exactly how vulnerable and stupid I come off in certain situations.

I finally did end up doing the show, but it all ended up solidifying the end to the friendship I had had since I was 10 years old in the meantime. Yes, we had grown apart and yes, the relationship didn’t have much time left, but it still didn’t have to go down in a fiery explosion at the hands of television producers. I guess they don’t make ’em like Peter Jennings anymore.

And to think the segment was about mending relationships — the irony. Needless to say, I won’t be watching the episode when it airs in October sometime. I’m quite certain at the rate I flap my hands when I’m speaking nervously, I’ll look like a bird about to take off in flight at any moment. No one wants to see themselves like that.