85th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

If you too are a late-night Wikipedia surfer (and particularly if you’ve bookmarked the “Index of human sexuality” page, which I can’t recommend enough), you’ll already have an extensive knowledge of conversion therapies. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, however, thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to tell you about one of the most effed-up things that humans do to each other.

The basic idea behind conversion therapy is that homosexuality is an “illness” or a “perversion” that can be reversed if you just try hard and believe in yourself. Some of the various methods include “praying the gay away,” psychoanalytic therapy, and, apparently… deleting Adele from your iTunes playlists.

A new show premiering in the UK, Cure Me I’m Gay, chronicles Dr. Christian Jessen‘s journey through the United States, where he’ll try a number of therapies to test whether they can undo his gayness. In one of the upcoming episodes, Jessen reportedly meets a doctor who claims that listening to Adele makes ordinarily straight men want to go to town on each other. This could be cured, however, if they switched out “Someone Like You” for some good ol’ fashioned Christian music. Seems legit.

There’s no word yet on whether or not the Adele cure really works– I guess we’ll have to watch the show to find out– but I so desperately want to know why Adele is being singled out for her homoeroticizing powers. Between Cher, Lady Gaga, and Madonna, I feel like there are plenty of gay icons who seem a lot more capable of mystical powers. Then again, I only need to hear like five lines of “Rolling in the Deep” to start sobbing, and I still don’t even know what the lyrics mean. She could very well be an expert hypnotist, sending us subconscious messages like in Josie and the Pussycats. Maybe there’s something to this theory.

Via ContactMusic / Photo: Getty images