It’s about shopping you say? I don’t know what that has to do with anything black. That sounds stupid. That doesn’t sound black to me. Here. Here are some ways to make today really black.

1) Become an existentialist.

2) Read Roots and bring up The Harlem Renaissance with complete strangers. Don’t be afraid to quiz them on specifics.

3) Turn off all the lights, although that might make it a “green” Friday. Fine. Turn off all the lights on your SUV.

4) Become a vampire, flee the daylight.

5) Sensory deprivation chamber = ADVENTURE

6) Begin trading illegal goods in a communist country. I guess in a way that is about shopping, but black market shopping is okay.

7) See a red door? Paint it black.