Well, my darlings, it’s time for me to take my leave. It’s been a blast, but this li’l lady needs to move on to something of which I do not know just yet. Scary? I think so, but I’m crying too much as I write this to be able to tell for sure.

I wrote my first piece for The Gloss in March 2010. At the time, the site was still brand new, Lilit Marcus was at the helm, and she asked me to interview a hair stylist in the Lower East Side who strictly worked with shorthaired girls. During that interview I realized two things: 1. The dude had a straight-up creepy fetish for the pixie-rocking branch of the female gender, and 2. My interviewing skills are a fucking joke. But I wrote my piece, turned it in and on March 12th, my first post for this site appeared. I was stoked.

Within the months that followed, I contributed occasionally. It wasn’t until after a five-month stint as the associate editor of The Grindstone (it took them five months to realize I’m the last person who should be writing about business!), that I became a frequent voice at The Gloss. Eventually, I got the fancy title of “Contributing Editor.” Again, I was stoked.

Working for The Gloss was the ideal situation for me, not only because I got to write about the topics that I did, but I could also write for other places. I wasn’t locked into one genre, and as a freelancer, I wasn’t locked into my physical place either. I was happy. I am still happy.

During my time here, I’ve shared with our readers pretty much everything. I’ve bared my soul to you all easily a hundred times over. I’ve candidly discussed my struggles with depression and drinking, wrote about my abortion in the hopes of making at least one woman feel less alone, and put my broken heart into words for all to consume. When it came to the topics I chose for The Gloss, nothing was off limits.

In the past few months, I’ve changed a lot. I’m not sure why or even how, but something inside has been tweaked a bit, and I’m not quite the person I was back in 2010, 2011, or even 2012. A bizarre calm has settled into my bones, and every day that passes the angry little shit who loved to provoke our readers two years ago dies a bit more. Although part of me mourns this death, more of me welcomes it.

I have evolved, and I’m pretty sure no one actually thought it would ever happen, so it’s kind of a big deal! I am different now. I can’t really pinpoint it, but I just am. And it’s the differences that I feel in me that have motivated my need for change, and my need to say goodbye.

I have truly loved my time at The Gloss. Working here introduced me to some amazing women, and people I hope to know for the rest of my life. It has been an absolute joy and privilege to work alongside Jennifer, Ashley, Jamie, Jessica, Jen Dziura and Sam these past few years. And although my time working with Liz and Julia have been somewhat limited, I’m excited to see how their contributions will shape this site. The Gloss has always been lucky in that we’ve managed to have an eclectic group of women who inject all their diverse thoughts and opinions into one post after another. It is, and yes, I’m totally going to be melodramatic and sentimental, truly beautiful and inspirational.

However, the most important component to my stay at The Gloss was always you, the readers. From arguments in the comment section, to the way we have each other’s back when a troll from god only knows where shows up and starts harassing us, it’s the readers that have made my decision to leave one of the most difficult I’ve ever made. As someone who has written for several other sites, I can tell you right now that no one else out there has such a stellar group of dedicated, insightful and badass commenters that we do. Hell, I’ve been email pen pals with quite a few of you over the last few years. It’s you guys, (I’d list you all by commenter name, but I’ll spare you), who have made every single word I’ve written here worth it. And it’s you I want to thank and smother with hugs and kisses RIGHT NOW. Thank you, my darlings.

I’m not really sure where I’m headed next. You can probably find me at The Frisky from time to time, as well as Huffington Post. I’m bound to pop up in other places, too, but at the moment, I can’t say exactly where, because hell if I know.

At the moment, I’m excited to take a step back and spend more time on my writing. I have over 100 essays that I’ve been writing since 2009, and I’ve been meaning to do something with them, but just haven’t yet. It’s probably fear of rejection; that’s something I’ll probably never get completely over. But it’s also time to make that jump, and put the fear of rejection on the back burner.

If you need me, you can find me on Twitter (@angrychatel) where I tweet some of the warped thoughts that haunt my brain, and whatever songs I’m obsessing over at that moment. You can, of course, always send me a “hello” or “goodbye” via email (chatel.amanda@gmail.com.) I like emails, especially when they contain cupcake porn, as commenter Fabel learned when she sent me such an email last year. The cupcakes had blue frosting, you guys!

So, this is the end of my era here at The Gloss. Thank you, everyone, for making this such a wonderful and exciting a ride. I had a great time! I just think it’s time for me to start hanging out at another theme park for now, and see what kind of funnel cake they have over there.

Lots of love forever and ever,

Now let’s listen to “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley. It will make us all feel better. Adieu.

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Photo: Maurice Sendak