dark knight anne hathaway

No, really. Is it 50 Shades of Grey? Or Girls? Is it because menacing billionaires who do “man things”  are hot right now?

Okay, I can tell you why I’m excited: it’s because I love rich people doing things. I mean, that’s why I’m also excited about The Great Gatsby. I especially love it when rich people drive cars. I think there is going to be a whole lot of rich-ing, and a whole lot of car driving going on in this movie. Masquerade black tie balls? Sign me up.


I mean, yes, there’s going to be a lot of action stuff going on, too, I guess a football field will get blown up or whatever, but, you know, that’s neither here nor there.

And I do love superhero movies.

Really, I didn’t love comics that much as kid. I don’t think I’m the target audience for this.


When I was 15, I was in Paris for a while. I was homesick. I was really, really homesick. And one day, I went to this movie theater and Spiderman was playing and it was so quintessentially American that I stood up and applauded at the end. Avec une grande puissance sont une grande responsabilité! DAMN RIGHT. THAT IS AMERICA. NOT JUST SITTING AROUND EATING CROISSANTS WITH NO RESTAURANTS OPEN ON SUNDAYS. I guess I took away from it that Americans are a group of people that “try to do good” and “are utterly fanatic workaholics. Spiderman would totally keep his restaurant open on Sundays.”

It was right around the Bush years. It was a weird time to be an American abroad, and probably I would like Paris a good deal more if I was there now.

And this made me super into superhero movies for a brief time, even after I came home. I mean, Spiderman will never be as good as when you see it homesick in a country where people don’t speak your language, but still. Still.

And if you’re going to be into Superman movies, Batman really is the character easiest to identify with because he’s not actually that super. He’s not, say, only vulnerable to kryptonite. He can’t shoot webs out of his fingers. He doesn’t have some glowing orb protecting his heart (Iron Man, I’m talking about Iron Man). Batman’s only power is having a lot of money.

Which, of course, is the kind of thing that makes you feel okay about being a money gobbling troll/captain of industry.

I like Batman, because he’s the most human of all of the supers. He’s also, to me, the one who best embodies the idea that if you stare into the void, the void stares back. Batman doesn’t stop doing his job and then rush happily to watch Mary Jane rehearse in a play. He does not wake up in the morning and go to work at a Newspaper. Sure, Batman has downtime. He has fun, but it’s kind of dark fun. I always assumed that in his free time he did cocaine and slept with models and was kind of sad about it. He doesn’t stand around baking delicious scones and listening to country music. That’s Alfred’s job.

I love Alfred best of all. If I were a billionaire, all I’d do is try to convince Alfred to be my butler. I’d bribe him. I’d offer to let him use the jet whenever he wanted to visit his family. Maybe I would also mention the way people would be statistically much less likely to try to kill him if he worked for me.

So. That’s why I’m excited about this Batman movie. Because I love rich people doing things, darkness, and America.

But everyone else also has reasons, right? Probably reasons that are more general.

Why are people so excited about this? Is it just because it’s the end of the trilogy? I mean, frankly, the movies seem kind of disconnected from one another (while I think Nolan’s stance to not even discuss the Joker in this film is completely understandable, that, in addition to the way the love interests change so dramatically, makes me feel like every one of these movies is its own separate entity). Is it because people want to see Anne Hathaway doing burglar stuff and presumably working out some of her residual Raffaello Follieri issues? Is it because you really, legitimately, did love all the comic books as a kid? If you are going to this movie, why are you going?

There’s got to be someone who is just going because they, like Bruce Wayne, are attempting to overcome their fear of bats, right?