So, your best friend just got engaged, and although you’re insanely happy for her, you’re also feeling a little, well… Conflicted. Like Destiny’s Child sang so many moons ago, it’s just emotions taking you over, and there’s a lot you have to process. But don’t worry, you’re not alone in your feelings. The following are 16 things everyone thinks when their best friend gets engaged.
1. OH. MY. GOD.
2. I AM SO HAPPY FOR HER!
3. Why didn’t I wear waterproof mascara today?!
4. Oh, my God, I get to be a bridesmaid!
5. Oh, my God, I’m going to have to be a bridesmaid…
6. WE NEED TO BE ON SAY YES TO THE DRESS.
7. OK, this is all happening a little fast. I mean, they’ve only been together for, like, six years—her fiance could be a total sociopath for all we know. DO WE EVEN KNOW WHO THIS PERSON REALLY IS?!
8. Does this mean my best friend is going to, like, move to the suburbs and buy a minivan and spend her weekends hunting for antiques? Because I am not ready for this!
9. Is my bank account ready for this? Not a chance in hell. I’m going to need a loan. How do I apply for a loan?
10. What is my bridesmaid dress going to look like? Please, God, no coral. I do not look good in coral. Also please no pale pink. Or orange. No reddish-pinkish-orangish tones, please. Also no taffeta. Also I want to wear my own shoes. I do not want to buy new shoes.
11. I need to get my shit together. I’ve got a wedding shower to plan and a bachelorette party to plan and I haven’t even mastered planning what I’m going to eat for dinner.
12. Oh, hot damn, I am going to write one hell of a speech for this wedding!
13. My best friend has pledged to spend the rest of her life with one person, and I can’t even commit to brunch plans. Is there something wrong with me? Am I missing something? Am I wired wrong?
14. I mean, her fiance’s cool and all, but like… I really thought she was holding out for Ryan Gosling. Or Leonardo DiCaprio, circa 1997. I really thought she was holding out for him.
15. OK, so what happened to all of our plans to buy apartments right next to each other and knock down the walls so we can live in one mega apartment and spend the rest of our lives watching reality TV together? What happened to those plans? Why does nobody respect the plans?!
16. OK, she can get married. That’s fine. But there is no way in hell she’s having a baby any time soon. NOT ON MY WATCH.