Spencer Clawson from Big Brother

Ah, finally! An answer to the question on everybody’s mind and nobody’s conscience: can reality television actually get worse? The answer is “yes,” naturally.

This season of Big Brother has been an especially crazy one, and by “crazy” I mean “most of the contestants seem like genuinely awful people to exist anywhere near.” Two have been fired from their jobs for participating in the rampant racism that the CBS show touts nightly, and now contestant Spencer Clawson has been investigated for a most deplorable of reasons: child porn.

From TMZ:

In case you didn’t see the clips from this week — Clawson grabs the microphone attached to McRae (another houseguest) and while pretending to be McRae, Spencer goes off on this really uncomfortable riff about child porn, saying, “I like to beat off to child porn. Did I ever tell y’all about that? I love it. Beating off to child porn is my favorite thing there is.”
You’d think he’d stop there, but no … he kept going, saying, “I love it when they’re around three or four years old. My favorite ones are when you can tell they’re in a basement.”

See, Clawson didn’t actually do anything particularly suspicious, he just finally learned the lesson that all of those absurdly dense humans need to learn: the power of words.

When you say something humorous about something horrifying like rape, molestation or the exploitation of children, it doesn’t indicate to those around you that your sense of humor is A+. Actually, it shows most grown adults that you find those subjects lighthearted, that you can’t think of anything most amusing or thoughtful or intelligent to say besides remarks regarding sex crimes. And some people, including those who are trained to catch the criminals you’re so bemusedly joking about, will not take it as a joke.

For example, Chief AJ Gary from the Conway Police Department in Arkansas, where Clawson is from. Chief Gary does not take giggles about toddlers being raped in basements lightly because Chief Gary is a human being with a conscience. He had this to say:

“The Conway Police Department was alerted to comments made.  Due to the nature of the comments, our department moved quickly to look into the matter.  At this time we haven’t found that any criminal act was committed.”

So, just to recap, here are a few things that we can learn from this little incident:

  1. Don’t make child porn jokes
  2. because child porn isn’t funny
  3. and if you think it is funny, don’t say it on reality TV
  4. because the whole world will hate you.

You know what? Let’s just stick to “don’t be a shitty person,” shall we? Okay, game back on, Big Brother.