in treatmentYou’ve had a good run. You have your memories, both good and bad, and if you recall hard enough, the good were probably more common than the bad. That’s why you hung on for so long; that’s why you let the dance play out well into the next album, although we all know the second album can never live up to the first.

So there you are. You’re face-to-face with the person whom you have one of the most intimate relationships of your life and you know it’s time. It’s time to let go, move on and either find someone else or take a break completely. Being alone has its upsides; it’s not completely bad, and time does heal all wounds.

Yes, it might be time you break up with your therapist.

I know, I know. Break-ups are never easy. In fact, they’re usually messy, involve tears and as you wander home after you’ve said your goodbyes, you always end up kicking yourself. Did you do the right thing? Should it hurt this much? Can I go back and fix it. But you can’t; the decision has been made and it was most likely for the best.

But how do you know it’s time to call it quits with your therapist?

You no longer have the desire to go. Sometimes we just don’t want to talk about our problems. It’s difficult to conjure up issues that have had an impact on you in such a way that you’re still dealing with them. However, if you find that you’re dreading going to your session, it’s time to cut ties.

You’re not evolving. The point about therapy is both to evolve as a person and grow. If you leave each session confused as to why the fuck you were just there for 45 minutes when you really got nothing out of it, then the ship has sailed… and you should be on it, going quickly in the other direction.

It feels more like a friendship than a patient/therapist relationship. Depending on how your therapist handles each session, you could end up realizing that it no longer has a professional feel. All of sudden you’re more buddies than anything else and when you’re talking about your one-night stand, it feels more like brunch chatter with your girlfriends as opposed to what it should feel like: therapy.

The connection you once had is gone. Every good relationship involves a necessary connection. You need to feel that the dialogue is a give and take. If it’s not the way it once was, then it’s over.

Something in you has changed. We’re not talking change as in evolution, but sometimes you realize that you can you no longer stomach the other person in the equation. It’s not that they did anything wrong, misspoke or even offended you, but sometimes, as with all relationships, love and respect dies. It’s hard to fake it when the fundamental components to any healthy relationship have dissipated. It’s in that moment, that you have to do what may have once seems both unthinkable and unbearable: you have to break up with your therapist.


Photo: HBO