Remember how Jay-Z recorded a song after Blue Ivy was born that included his precious new angel crying in the background? Well, one dad from Houston, TX just showed him the fuck up.

With nothing more than a fetal heart monitor as a beat, Charles McDaniel, an Air Force staff sergeant based in Italy, rapped to amuse his wife as she was going into labor. Here are some choice, hilarious lyrics — and guess what, Jay-Z? Using the word “cervix” in a rap is a hell of a lot more original than using “bitch.”

Dilated/cervix

Have a baby/Heart monitor

Breath right/Hee-hee/Hoo-hoo

Contraction/What I’m talking ’bout

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