I don’t want to be too mean here, because I like to think of myself as a nice person. Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in. I’m in one of those, “I hate you, annoying people” moods and the only thing that is keeping it to a degree of tolerability is the smell of country fried chicken from the restaurant down the street from our office. Back to the point: Tyra Banks, you really need to go away. Far away. I feel bad saying this, but not very many people like you. You think you’re the next Oprah. Girlfriend, there is no next Oprah. Oprah’s eternal. Oprah’s the best. I could write a whole post about how awesome Oprah is. In one of my SAT practice exams I spent the 25 minutes of the writing section explaining why I admire Oprah and want to be her when I grow up. Yes, she has her flaws too but I still love her. You, Tyra. You’re no Oprah. You never will be. Sowwy.

Tyra, your talk show went under. No successful (wannabe) do-gooder has a defunct talk show after two seasons. Bonnie Hunt is still on the air for goodness’ sake. What good did you actually accomplish on your talk show? None. You brought on teenage girls and exposed their insecurities about being fat and about being ugly. You didn’t actually help them. And now, you’re going to pay. You’re going to pay because you flew out a 15-year-old sex addict just to show the world that you feel bad for her. Oh wait. You may have allegedly forgotten to have her parents (or at least one of them) sign the liability agreement and all those good legal forms you have to fill out when you put a minor on public television. Beverly McClendon is sueing Warner Brothers and the producers of the Tyra Show for $3 million for basically kidnapping her sex-addicted daughter, Jewel Ciera Washington. Tyra, how could you overlook this? Beverly thought her daughter was MISSING until she saw her on your show. She was pretty much filing the missing persons report as you were filming Jewel’s episode. Which is our next order of business.

You had Jewel admit to all of America and maybe Canada that she lost her virginity when she was 9 years old and now can’t stop thinking about or having sex, has had partners as old as 37 and thinks she has the herp. Oh and because of all this, she thinks she doesn’t deserve to live. Jewel, I hope you’re ok. I don’t know what happened after this, but I really hope you got some professional help because Tyra didn’t do anything. Tyra, you just sat there and said empty things like, “Oh no” or “How could you feel like you have no purpose?” Instead, maybe you should have gone with, “Girl, you’re awesome. You’re 15 and have so much life ahead of you. So you think you have herpes? Get tested! That would be the first step to making smart choices.” Nope. None of that was said. Instead, you turned it to Dr. Drew who was much more insightful and less judgmental and probably should have his own show because he’s the best doctor ever. He should’ve gotten more air time on this episode and maybe Jewel would have hugged him like she should have instead of you. You did nothing to deserve that hug. You kidnapped her, had her humiliate herself and then didn’t even help her. What the heck, Tyra?  No wonder your show is no longer. I hope you have to pay that $3 mil. It’s the least you could do to help that family.