hangoverIf you’re planning to go out tonight, you’re going to be in for a pretty awful New Year’s Day (if tonight goes well). Hoping to spare you a hangover, I’ve put together the world’s easiest guide to avoiding one.

In today’s dispatch from Captain Obvious (good joke!), I’m going to go ahead and tell you that there’s no foolproof way to avoid a hangover that will work for every person on earth. However, I have developed a routine for every time I get drink (definitely don’t have a drinking problem) that seems to keep me hangover-free, which is great because I basically live in fear of hangovers. In addition to feeling gross and sick, they make me feel anxious and depressed, which is the opposite of how I want to feel. Since this routine works to keep me hangover free, here’s to hoping it’ll work for you, too.

1. Water

You know that terrifying addage about hydration that says if you’re feeling thirsty, IT’S ALREADY TOO LATE? This applies here. Drink more water than you thought possible, and do it before you go out. If you can, drink water all day so you’re super hydrated. This is the easiest thing in the world. Furthermore, put a water bottle next to your bed before going out. You will wake up in the middle of the night feeling like you just spent six months in a desert, and you will be grateful to have water nearby. Double fist water and liquor while you’re out. I try to follow the one drink-one glass of water policy.

2. Eat

Eat during the day. Eat something before you go out, that’s full of carbs and fat. Normally when I get home, I eat a little something before passing out, too, since it tends to settle my stomach and the carbs and fat temper the alcohol.

3. Shower before bed (but only if you have a chaperone)

I always find that showering before bed sobers me up pretty quickly, and going to bed on the sober side of life hugely negates the chance of a hangover. However, don’t you dare do this unless you have a best friend or partner who will is sober(ish) and will supervise you, or you might fall down and hurt yourself like an idiot.

4. Eat a balanced breakfast

You may not want to. I get it. But do what you can to eat a carb and fat filled breakfast. Just try a breakfast sandwich. You can do it.

5. Drink more water and don’t you dare touch that sugary soda

Sugar-y crap just makes everything worse. If you drink a soda, you are just asking for trouble.

As you can see, it’s not rocket science. Any idiot can avoid a hangover by following common sense practices and not being a bigger idiot than usual. Happy New Year!

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