The New York Times reports today on sports bars that are offering food for foodies — fancy-shmancy nachos, high-end steak sandwiches, and bouillabaisse taking the place of good, old-fashioned fish sticks.

I mean, I’m for health as much as the next gal. And look — I know that most of the food that they serve at sports bars is gross, over-processed nastiness.

But sometimes, I like gross, over-processed nastiness. In fact, that’s the one and only reason that I ever go to sports bars or watch sporting events. When I first got together with my now-fiance, I daresay that if it weren’t for the chicken wings keeping me busy at sports bars, I might never have seen him over the weekend, and we wouldn’t be where we are today.

For me, in addition to assisting me in my relationship, nasty sports bar food is like an escape. You don’t have to have read every food blog on the internet to know what you’re ordering at a sports bar; no one is going to make you feel stupid because you’re not sure what kind of fish they’re serving. Much like getting dressed for a sports bar, ordering from their menu is not a chore, and because you already know that it’s crap, you don’t have to decide between ordering what will taste good and what will be healthy, because none of it will be healthy.

But now, going to a sports bar is going to be just as stressful as going to every other restaurant in town. Like I need another reason to stay home in my pajamas. Thanks a lot, foodies. You ruin everything.