It’s a good time to be a fan of superheroes, but too many people are under the impression that all superheroes are boys, or just for boys. You know better. The world is full of excellent female superheroes. There are so many it is hard to choose a favorite, but if you could your choice would tell us everything there is to know about your personality.
As always, here is our 100-percent scientific and accurate assessment of what your favorite female superhero says about you.
You are here to kick ass and chew gum, and you don’t chew gum because you think gnawing at the open air makes you look distracted, unserious, and ungentlewomanly. You wear blazers and skirts and sky-high heels, and you always look people directly in the eye. Your posture is so straight, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis would offer it a marriage license, but you would just stare her right in the homophobic, non-job-doing eyes until she melted before your steely gaze into a puddle of jelly. Some superheroes punch things to get what they want, but you’ve always done just fine with a level voice and a withering stare. You are not afraid to speak truth to power, even if that means telling off The Batman.
You’ll never regret that advanced degree, even if you don’t see how it will ever translate into money. You think of yourself as a “primary INT character,” and you know what I mean by the phrase “primary INT character.” Dudes keep mistaking you for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl come to life, but you have goals and ambitions and neuroses just like everyone else. The fact that those goals include both getting grant funding from NASA and having a good, cold beer while playing Transistor does not strike you as weird.
You do not know why crop tops ever go out of style, and you have definitely stood on a table or two in your day. You believe people are inherently good, even when you would appear to have ample evidence to the contrary. Nobody really thinks they’re a jerk; people only do mean things because they haven’t fully considered everything that they are doing. Everything will work out OK in the end. You smoke, but only when you drink.
You love to travel and are willing to make that a priority in your life. Did you know that airlines still have a program where you can buy an around-the-world ticket so as long as you are going in the same direction, you can travel all the way around the world in a year. There are worse ways to spend a year. If you could be reasonably sure of getting a job when you got back, you might want to consider it. It’s the kind of thing you can only really do when young and single or old and retired. It’s the kind of thing you would probably really enjoy, and your Instagrams would make everyone very envious. Your Instagrams already make everyone really envious, because your lipstick game is spectacular.
5. Captain Marvel
You clicked this post in large part to see if I would remember to put Captain Marvel on this list, and I did. There have been several heroes to wear that mantle, but we are talking about Carol Danvers. You are nodding along as you read this as surely as you are utterly stoked about the Captain Marvel movie coming up in 2018. But that’s enough about Captain Marvel, we need more about you. You are athletic and arty and have cool hair. You love tattoos almost as much as you love opening your mouth really wide in photos. You’re animated and active and always travel in a big group of people. You’ve got everyone’s backs in an emergency, and you totally know CPR.
6. Ms. Marvel
You are young and hip and really good at social media. You probably have a ton of Twitter followers and know how to do that thing where you write on Instagram photos. You also care deeply about intersectionality and diversity and passing the microphone, and believe fervently in the power of the Internet as a tool to educate and change minds. When old people snark about “hashtag activism,” it makes you want to karate chop a table. You’re pretty good at drawing, and your grammar is impeccable. You might want to own and wear this sweater. (I know it is a Captain Marvel sweater, but you love Captain Marvel too, and you’re more likely to wear the sweater.)
You had a pretty great time in the 90s, and you’re not entirely sure they ever passed. You believe fiercely that yellow leather has a place at the office, and that sparkly stickers make even the dullest white paper more exciting. You like your characters deep, flawed, and loyal, even though you yourself are open, sunny, and not very flawed at all. You are pretty loyal, though. You had a serious adolescent crush on Gambit, and you’re pretty sure everyone else did too.
8. Black Widow
You have a Pinterest board full of short haircuts that you’ve desperately been wanting to try, but you’re a little worried that they will make your head look like it is shaped weird. You love makeup but don’t wear a lot of it, and you’ve recently gotten really interested in retirement accounts and budgeting. You like sexy underwear, especially the vintage kind. You spend a whole lot of time feeling like you are way too immature to be an adult, and you think, “Who gave me the keys to grown-up life? I am so not ready for this!” But then you see actual young people and you think, “Wow, I am a total grown-up. I am mature as heck. Just look at me, driving cars and stocking up on paper towels. I have this grown-up thing locked down.” You should get a cat.
There are a lot more female superheroes out there than there is room for in this list, but they also deserve our attention. Who’s your favorite female superhero? Let us know in the comments.