One cannot approach a bartender without experiencing a frisson of terror. As a customer, you are about to place a drink order, and that drink order will lay you naked across the bar, metaphorically. As soon as the order leaves your mouth, the bartender will know all there is to know about you and will pass judgment accordingly.

That holds true for other patrons, as well. As you judge the party with the tray of B-52s, so are you being judged. Here’s what your favorite cocktail says about you.