Sometimes, when you show up to parties by yourself, you need to find a pleasant and entertaining way to pass the time before you head to the next party or before your friends arrive. I recently faced this very conundrum, and found myself wiling away the minutes by playing a fun game I invented on the spot, called “Spot the Douchebag.” Necessity is the mother of invention!

To be fair, the game was actually created based on some of the people there, rather than the other way around. But I made some important discoveries after looking and listening, and hopefully they can help you avoid accidentally talking to someone who’s a douche. Here are some telltale signs of ‘baggery:

  1. He shows up early and loudly proclaims to whoever’s listening that he “should have gone to the OTHER party first.”
  2. It’s a party where most people are dressed kind of nicely and he decides to show up looking like Joel Madden on a bad day.
  3. He stands behind the DJ and tries to offer guidelines.
  4. He stands in front of the DJ and tries to offer guidelines.
  5. Any loud, unsolicited comment about the lack of hot girls.

You might be tempted to give ‘bags like this a second chance. But believe me — it never ends well. The only benefit of douchebags is that they are easily indentified in the wild — take advantage of this natural weakness and run the other way.