Some mornings you say, “fuck you, oatmeal. Fuck you, egg white omelet Marie Claire and Glamour and Vogue said would be a “fun and healthy treat!” I am going to eat some fried beer and a cookie chicken sandwich. And I am going to smear some grease directly into my arteries.” And then you just get into a car, and you drive, you drive 180 miles and hour with the top down, you drive as fast as you can until you get to a country fair. And then suddenly, you jolt awake. It was all a dream. And all you have in the house is oatmeal and yogurt.

Sometimes, dreams really do come true. County fairs are what dreams are made of.[ITPGallery]