If you, like me, have not been following the General Petraeus sex scandal because it seemed dumb, but now feel left out because a ton of people are talking about it, have no fear: the nice people at Taiwanese animation house NMA.tv have laid it all out for you in colorful, easy to follow motion graphics.
As you can see in the video above, Barack Obama planned to dismiss Petraeus after the election but before he had to testify about the administration’s handling of the terrorist attack on the US consulate in Benghazi, Libya so he could continue his communist plots in peace.
Petraeus grew close with Paula Broadwell while she was working on his biography, which she typed while she was literally being done from behind by him. They frequently made love in the bushes (while jogging) and his office (while internationally relating), and have been in love since 2006, when a Michael Jacksonsong played in both of their heads simultaneously during his lecture at Harvard. When she bounced ideas off him by jumping on a trampoline labeled “Petraeus,” he knew he was fucked. And when she sent threatening emails to a perceived romantic rival for his extramarital affections, he was super fucked. Or something!
Obama responded, as all communists do, by pushing a big red button and sending Petraeus into a fiery hell pit while he and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton laughed and laughed. Then he put his pinky in his mouth like Dr. Evil.
Is that clear enough? Do you understand? Good. Now go discuss this scandal around your local water cooler without fear.