So, you may have heard that Gwyneth Paltrow has a new movie coming out, “Country Strong,” in which she plays an alcoholic country music singer released from rehab perhaps a few months too early…but facing her last chance to turn her career around!! (CLIFFHANGER.)
In the movie, Gwynnie sings the theme song, “Country Strong,” which now provides an explanation for her guest appearance on “Glee,” but that’s neither here nor there.
The song’s content isn’t hard to guess — she’s strong because of her simple, solid country upbringing — and it’s the anthem, I assume, on which she rides back into public favor, in the movie.
And it would be all well and good if the song were just another actress singing in another movie. But this morning, I was listening to the country music station (as I do) in my car, and lo and behold, on comes Gwynetht’s voice, crooning about long hard winters and falling and getting back up again.
Now, I understand that it’s all show business, and it’s all part of promoting the movie, and everything. But I’m sorry — a woman who gets colonics is not country strong. A woman who does master cleanses is not country strong. In fact, those are the kinds of things that leave a person city weak. You’re not standing on metaphorical solid ground if all you’ve had to eat in three weeks is cabbage soup, and all you’ve done is shit liquid. That actually probably leaves you having difficulty sitting upright.
It’s not so much that I care what kinds of roles Gwynnie takes on. But to hear a person who writes a lifestyle newsletter for the rich and city-dwelling singing about the woes of country living and the strength she derives from the wholesome, familiar soil of America just doesn’t sit well with me — and it seems like it shouldn’t sit well with her, either.
Which all kind of leads me to wonder: is Gwyneth Paltrow losing her mind? Is she this year’s Jenny from the Block? Is she having an existential crisis? Or am I?